Goodbye Chocolates; Hello Pimples

In Japan only women give gifts on Valentine's Day.

March 14th is called White Day; it's the day that men give stuff to women.
They downplay giving chocolate; I guess they want guys to diversify into flowers, jewelry, cosmetic products and other women friendly things.

For those that think Valentine's Day is a marketing manufactured holiday,
White Day is worse.
White Day is a scam.
People are keeping score over Valentine's Day, and if you don't reciprocate on White Day your guilt levels go way up.
It's peer pressure all over again.

I've just worked my way through my Valentine's Day chocolate and only managed one medium sized pimple this year.

I'll have to work harder next year!

People's Thinking

I usually make a cutting comment when a friend or family member buys something that I think is ridiculously expensive or just ridiculous.

It's in my genes: my whole family is the same way.
Cut down the tall poppy; try to get a joke in; rip, tear, and shatter a good friend's pride and joy.

But every so often, the person comes back with a logical or rational explanation that makes me eat my words.
My brother spent, what I thought was, an outrageous amount of money on a bed.
After my eye rolling and cutting response, he said, "I spend a 1/3 of my life sleeping, I might as well be comfortable."

I couldn't argue with that!
I look at my bed differently now



note: I actually sleep on a futon.

A Clean Machine

At the moment, my van is dirty.

I think Winter has something to do with it.

When I wash it, it seems to run better.

It's like me!
I always feel better after having a shower!

I know this is a psychological thing.

But can you tell me:Is there anything that runs better when it's dirty?

What's with Easter?

Someone asked me what date Easter was this year?

I didn't know.

It's not unusual.
I usually miss it all together.
I live in Japan and I am not very religious.
I usually hear about it in a friend's e-mail 2 weeks after it has passed by. Maybe that is why it's also called passover?
Just a thought.

Most North American Holidays I have a lock on: Christmas, New Years, Valentine's Day, and Halloween are all stable.
They don't play mind games with me.
Thanksgiving is different in the U.S. and Canada, but I know what months they are in.
Labour Day only matters to kids, because it determines what day they have to go back to school. At least in Canada; not sure about the U.S..

But Easter is a real floater.
It's unreliable.

Easter is the weatherman of holiday.

When You Are Sick

Who enjoys it when you are sick?

1. People who don't like you
2. Drugstore owners
3. Tissue Companies

As I lie wrapped up in my blanket with a bucket of used tissues beside me, I can see Mr. Tissue Man rubbing his hands together with dollar signs in his eyes.

People Chow

I think that Purina should expand their line of products.

They have Dog Chow, Puppy Chow, Cat Chow, and Kitten Chow.
A few upscale items for the picky: Purina Treats, Fancy Feast, Pro Plan, Purina One, Top Choice, and Beneful (not sure what that is but it sounds good ).
They have Alpo for the hungry dog who likes it wet.

They've done a pretty good job at keeping dogs and cats alive.

Maybe they should expand their line of products and start catering to humans.

Mom, I'm hungry.

"Break out the bag of People Chow if you're hungry!!!"

Tonight has to be special.

"Open a few cans of Fancy Feast! Let's go all out!!"

I feel peckish for some nibblies.

"Let's have a bowl of Purina Human Treats!"

I'm watching my weight.

"I'll have the Purina Top Choice Diets. I ate way too much this weekend".

I need something to soak up all this alcohol.

"Open a few big cans of Hungry Man Alpo and Voila!"


note: Sorry, I was watching Soylent Green again

It Must Be Nice Being Tall: Redux

OK I gave the bad side of tall in the last post.

Now for the good stuff!

You can always see what's happening Always!!

You can always reach the top shelf.

You don't have to use the granny when playing pool.

You never say, "I wish I was shorter". At least not aloud or when not travelling.

You get very good at changing lightbulbs.

You are the first to see when your friend is going bald.

It Must Be Nice Being Tall

I'm 190 cm tall (6'2").
I'm not a giant, but I've chosen to live in a country where I am considered tall.

Fair Enough.

I always hear people say that they wish they were taller.
Mostly from shorter people. Go figure!

I always ask people:

Do you like back problems?
Do you like knee problems?
Do you want to have a shorter life span?
Do you like circulatory problems?
Do you like being uncomfortable on buses, trains, or airplanes?
Do you like having no choice when buying shoes?
Do you like having to bend over in photos?
Do you like having your feet stick out the end of the bed?
Do you like ducking?
Has the oldest person in the world ever been tall?

Usually they think about it and say they would still like to be a bit taller!

More Unrecognizable Words

Just so nobody thinks that I am some kind of smarty pants, here are a few words that I didn't figure out right away.

Queue: I've always known what it was, but never saw it written until traveling through Australia.

It is my secret weapon in scrabble.

On my first trip to London, a friend and I had a bunch of places that we wanted to visit: The West End, Trafalgar Square, Shaftsbury Avenue, St. Johns Wood, and Picadilly Circus (there are no animals or clowns there though ).
Basically just places we had heard about in Songs or on Brit TV shows over the years.

We located all of them, but we had problems finding Leicester Square.
We were standing in it asking people where Lester Square was, and getting confused when they just looked at us funny and pointed to the sign, "Leicester Square".

Unrecognizable Words

I played Pictionary with a few friends.

One friend picked a card and said he didn't know what the word was.

I looked at the word and said, " You know what that is!".

He said he didn't.

I said the word to him, and bells started ringing in his head.

He said, "I've never seen that word written before!"

The word: Spatula

While You Were Sleeping

While you were sleeping

I was doing my laundry
eating lunch
watching tv
mumbling to myself
having a shower
visiting a nice place
waiting for work to finish
buying groceries
laughing with friends
drinking myself silly
cleaning my toilet
lying on the sofa
breathing ...
and getting on with my life.


Of course the world stops when I'm asleep!

Smelly Slippers

I got slippers for Christmas.

I'm quite surprised that the person found some that actually almost fit me.

They are nice and warm; comfortable; and extremely appreciated.

But...

They make my feet sweat I wear socks in them now; and that helps a bit.

But...

They still stink. I've bought spray and have been dousing them regularly.It helps a bit.

But...

I still can't wait for Spring and non-slipper wearing weather.

Demonyms

definition: what the people of a place are called.

I've been a Duncanite, a Mill Bayer, a Victorian, a Vancouverite, a William's Laker, and a Port Hardian.

I'm still a Canadian, I think!

In my city Numata, Japan, I'm not sure what I'm called.

I don't think they go in for demonyms.

Maybe I'm a:

Numatite: but that sounds like something you go to jail for.
Numatitian: sound like I'm good at math.
Numatonian: I don't know what my half-life is though.
Numater: sounds too much like no matter.
Numish: sounds like I should be driving a horse and buggy and shunning TV.
Numatanian: I think Jean Luc Picard saved my planet a few years back.

I'll stick to "I live in __________", for now!

Movie Scores

I like lyrics, but some movie scores stick in my brain: Mission Impossible, James Bond, Indiana Jones, Star Wars, The Godfather, Cool Hand Luke, The Great Escape; and more recently Spy Kids and Harry Potter.

Is it because these movies were really popular or were the scores really good?

I don't know.

With my luck: if I had a score following me around, it would probably be Friday the 13th or Jaws!!

Thriving On Pressure

Pressure situations: I don't like them.

I do not do well under pressure.

If you want an answer, let me think about it and I will let you know.
If you want it now, it's no.

Make a speech now!!

No thank you. unless you like "good evening, thank you".
Give me a few hours to write something down, and I might be eloquent and perhaps funny.

I'm not indecisive, I've just got to think about it. I'm not a game show host.


Unless at a restaurant, I decided before I sat down!

The Moment of Truth

Scenario:

You are in the passenger seat of a car, and the driver falls asleep.

What will you do?

Be calm, grab the steering wheel and wake up the driver.
Be calm and pull the emergency brake.

If you've never been unfortunate enough to be in this situation, you don't really know what you would do.

I was in this situation once.

I pressed my hands into the dashboard and screamed.


I won't be piloting any space shuttles in the near future

It's a Big Marble

Strangest phone call I've had:

A friend in New Zealand phoning at 2pm, from a BBQ, on a sunny Sunday afternoon in New Zealand.

Me?

At home 5pm Saturday on a dark cold winter's night.



an endless summer is possible with enough airmiles

Don't Worry

Everything happens for a reason.

You can clean your underwear and sheets.
You can move to another town where no one knows you.
You can join a 12 step group.
You can join a 10 pin league.
You can always get another girl/boyfriend.
You can get corrective clothing/aparatus.
You can pay lots of money and all is forgiven.
You can claim it was your twin brother/sister.
It was the alcohol, the full moon, your upbringing, poor choice of friends, or the cancellation of your favourite TV show.

Don't worry; in a 100 years no one will care.

Remembrances

My mother asked myself and my brothers and sisters what we wanted when she died.

Everything was going to be split 7 ways; these were just little things we wanted as something to remember her by.

I think she asked the same thing when I was 12 years old; and I replied that I wanted the fridge!

Ah youth!

My brother and sisters requested: the grandfather clock; rocking chair, table, and clock made by our grandfather; old paintings of our old house; and assorted other little things that surrounded us in childhood.

Me?

I just wanted my mother's recipe box: a little wooden box with my mother's hand written miracles that she served everyday.
I see it everyday, and when I use her recipes it makes me think of all the wonderful meals and times I shared with her.

If I had one wish.