Cryonics

Cryonics is the preservation of legally dead humans or pets at very low temperature (below −200ºF, −130ºC) in the hope that future science can restore them to life, youth and health.
Just because cryonics preserves people at very low temperatures does not mean that cryonics patients have been frozen. Cryonics procedures involve replacing body water with anti-freeze mixtures called "cryoprotectants". By perfusing these biologic anti-freezes through blood vessels for a few hours most body water can be removed and replaced by cryoprotectant.
At this time there are about 1000 people worldwide waiting to be re-animated.


News Flash:
You are not coming back!
You had your time, and now it's over.
You watched Jurassic Park, Robocop, and Universal Soldier too many times.

I Will Not Share My Icecream!

I will not share my icecream!

I will let you have a spoonful or you can have one lick, but that is it!

If you want anymore, I will gladly buy you one.

If you can't eat it all, I will eat the rest for you.

I bought this icecream for me.

I can eat a whole one, so that is what I bought!

I do not share my icecream!

Acephalous

Definitions:
1) Headless or lacking a clearly defined head.
2) Having no leader.

I was looking up ace in the dictionary, just because I was bored, and losing at solitaire.
I came across this word.
Does anybody use this anymore, outside of the scientific community?

Maybe I should start using it.

That woman was very acephalous: her body was great but her head left me lacking.

Can I speak to the manager, or is this an acephalous company?

I'm feeling very acephalousish today. I don't know where my head is.

Shadows

Shadows are cool!

I don't usually pay too much attention to mine.

I can go for months without noticing it.

I've neglected it, but it never abandons me.

Good old shadow.

I used to play shadow tag as a kid.

If you are it, you run around trying to jump on other people's shadows.

If you succeed, they are it.

It used to be a favourite in the summer.

Not very popular on cloudy days for some reason.

I visited the Solar de Uyuni in Bolivia 2 years ago.

I got reaquainted with my shadow; so did most of the other people.

I've never seen longer shadows anywhere.

I'm sure there is a scientific explanation, but if I look it up it might take away some of the magic. I had never taken pictures of my shadow before, but I did there!

Shadows are cool.

More Thoughts on Being a Lefty

You can very rarely win at arm wrestling!

Lefthanded scissors don't work!

You have to deal with people who think you cut bread awkwardly!

The keyboard is made for lefthanded people.
Actually it favours the left hand, because people could type too fast using old typewriters and this slowed them down so the keys wouldn't jam.
True as far as I know.

Learning to use a knife and fork was pretty easy.

If you forget your baseball glove, good luck trying to borrow one!

Left Handedness

I'm left handed: there is no cure!

I'm not sure if I was born this way.
My father broke my arm in a tragic sunblock lotion accident at the beach when I was 18 months old: it was my right arm.
Maybe this break came at a pivotal stage of development, and I just adapted by using my left hand.
At school when learning to print, the teacher kept making me use my right hand.
I would go to school in the morning, normal, and come home with a stutter.
I'm glad my parents figured out what the cause was.

I haven't stuttered since: unless a woman asks me what I am thinking about.

What Came First the Colour or the Fruit?

It turns out that the colour was named after the fruit.
Until these tasty little critters were introduced to the English-speaking world, the colour was known as geoluhread in Old English, or, yellowred.
The word itself follows this etymology: starting with the Sanskrit narangah, it’s followed by the Persian narang, Arabic naranj, Spanish naranja, Late Latin arangia, Italian arancia or arancio, and Old French orenge.

So now you know.

And I know.

Sucking versus Chewing

When I eat candy, I am a chewer.

I can't wait for a slow flavour sensation: I want gratification now.
I want all the flavour to be released with the ferocity of a frozen river breaking up in Spring.
I want to stick as many candies in my mouth as possible and have my brain explode!!!

I understand the candy suckers though.
They are in for the long haul.
Stretching out the flavour for as long as they can.
Long after chewers have munched through a bag of candy, suckers are still enjoying the slivery remnants of their first candy.

The sucker people suck unless they give me some of their candy.

Colour Blind

My great uncle found out he was a father and grandfather at 75!

During WW2 he was stationed in England and had a girlfriend.
When the war was over, he wanted to return to Canada: his girlfriend chose not too.
She was pregnant and never told him.
She quickly married a man from down the street, gave birth and had a good life.

The daughter never discovered the truth until rummaging through her mother's old photos; she came across a man in uniform that looked a lot like her.
She tracked my great uncle down through the veteran's organization in Canada.

Returning to Canada my great uncle married a woman with 2 children, who had lost her husband.
He never had children with her.

I've never seen a person so proud as my uncle: knowing he had a child and granchildren.
Good for him!!

It answered a few question for his grandson as well.
His grandson is colour blind and couldn't figure out where it came from.
My great uncle was colour blind as well!!

Fear of Flying

A lot of people are afraid of flying.

I am not one of them.

Yes, there have been some real air tragedies over the years, but your chances of being in a crash are pretty slim at best.

Some people have goodluck charms when they fly; I am my own goodluck charm.

Whoever travels on the same plane as me is safe.

Why do I think this?

Because I know I will die in a tuk-tuk accident. The fortune cookie told me so.

Bananas for Bananas!

I love bananas!

They are my favourite fruit.

I may flirt with oranges, peaches, and pears; have brief affairs with watermelons; enjoy the pleasures of an apple on occasion; but my first love is the banana.

Why?

Because I like to put the little banana sticker on my forehead!!

The 2 Second Rule

When you drop something on the floor, if it can be picked up in 2 seconds you can still eat it.

Many people don't follow this rule.

I guess they had a bad upbringing.

Haunted Houses

I think everyone knows where a haunted house is.
The scary house with all those untraceable stories surrounding it: sitting empty for years collecting rumours while the paint fades.
When I was 18, and too young to get into the bars yet, my friends and myself explored local haunted houses.

In the first we just found an empty house with empty beer bottles, old Playboy magazines, and cigarette butts in the basement.
The second was at one time supposedly owned by a lady with no legs. Sure enough we found a rope hanging over the bathtub, so she could lower herself in!
The third was the scariest: out in the country, locked gate, and a 400 yard (meter) walk to the house. We checked the electricity meter to make sure no one had moved in recently. We broke a window (I'm not proud now) and went in.
The house was empty, except for a rolled up foamy mattress rolled up in a corner of one room.

What was inside the mattress?

An ax, a big knife, and a saw!!!

We ran away screaming like little girls being chased by spiders.

25th High School Reunion

Yes, it's that time.
Wow! Has it been 25 years since High School?
I guess it has.

Did I go to the 10th reunion?
No.
I was backpacking through Europe with a few friends.

Did I go the 15th reunion?
No.
I was on a 20 month trip through Europe, New Zealand, Australia, and South East Asia.

Did I go to the 20th reunion?
No.
I was working here in Japan.

Am I going to the 25th reunion?
Probably not.
Why break the tradition.

Anyway, I think my best friend enjoys giving everyone the news that I am far far away.

He probably tells them that I am fat, bald, and broke as well; but I can live with that.

Electric Fences

I grew up in a dairy farming area on Vancouver Island: lots of electric fences to keep the cows from getting any thoughts in their heads about roaming the countryside sampling juicier grass.

Tagging along with my older sister and her friends, we encountered an electric fence.
"Let's touch it", someone said.
"Not me", I declared.
"We will all hold hands and you can be on the end furthest away", someone said.

It sounded good to me. I was only 8 years old. What did I know?
We all held hands. I was on the end thinking I would only get a little bit of the shock.
It had to go through so many people.
I was safe.
After getting the biggest jolt of my young life and pissing my pants, I learned the simple truth.

The person at the end gets it the worst!

The Beach!

Everyone has their beach.

Mine is on Morro de Sao Paulo, Brazil: 2 hours by catamaran from Salvador.

Off and on, I spent 4 months there from April 2006 to January 2007.

I met amazing people; had amazing adventures; and became the laziest person on earth for a short time.

Paradise?

No.

But very close.

When I think of the beach, I think of this one.

Games

When I travel I'm always surprised about what games are extremely popular in certain countries.

In Turkey it's backgammon.

In Brazil it's dominoes.

In Argentina it's the card game Truco.

I think in Russia, it must be Chess. I visited once, but I was young and unaware at the time.

In Japan Rock, Paper, Scissors is rampant, but it's not really a game, just a way to decide things.

In Canada, like a lot of countries, there isn't one game that everyone plays.

I'm talking about adults, children, and everyone in between.

I feel deprived.

Passwords

And yet another password needed!

Online banking, driver's license, e-mail accounts, computer access, alarm systems, bank machines, computer site access, cell phones, ...

Computers are the worst offender: it's password heaven here!!

It used to be fun having a secret password.

I can't tell you what it is; it's secret.

But it's getting stale now.

More info to remember.

I'm sure it's all stored in the same part of the brain as blood type, social insurance number, Chinese Zodiac sign, best friends phone number when you were 12, and the titles of all the James Bond movies!

I should start downsizing my passwords, or I'm going to be in real trouble eventually.

World Map of Happiness!

Information from World Map of Happiness by Adrian White.

Those damn Danish!!
I guess having a tasty breakfast food named after you, the little mermaid, and lots of bicycles makes one happy!!

The 20 happiest nations in the World are:
1 - Denmark
2 - Switzerland
3 - Austria
4 - Iceland
5 - The Bahamas
6 - Finland
7 - Sweden
8 - Bhutan
9 - Brunei
10 - Canada
11 - Ireland
12 - Luxembourg
13 - Costa Rica
14 - Malta
15 - The Netherlands
16 - Antigua and Barbuda
17 - Malaysia
18 - New Zealand
19 - Norway
20 - The Seychelles

Other notable results include:
23 - USA
35 - Germany
41 - UK
62 - France
82 - China
90 - Japan
125 - India
167 - Russia

The three least happy countries were:
176 - Democratic Republic of the Congo
177 - Zimbabwe
178 - Burundi

Iron Man/Woman

I think all work places should have an Iron Man/Woman award.

The person who never misses a day of work.
Through rain, sleat, snow, heatwave, sickness, broken bones, rashes, unsightly pimples on the tip of the nose, major sporting events, Harry Potter movie releases, closing out sales, free balloons at the mall,...

I just want to win something.

The Peak

Reaching your peak.

When do you really know?
I guess you don't, until you are, hopefully, very old and get a bit of perspective.

I hope I haven't peaked yet.

First Memory

July 20th, 1969: Apollo 11 Moon Landing.

It was my sister's birthday, I was 4 years old.
I remember it because our family tradition was to eat the birthday cake and then open presents. We finished dinner, and then everyone rushed to the old black and white TV to watch the moon landing.
For my sister: no cake, no presents.
She cried like a crazy.

My oldest brother (15 years older) was working in Peru at the time.
He remembers hearing it on the radio.
He was so excited he borrowed someone's motorcycle and drove out into the country.
He saw a farmer out in a field working with a cow pulling a plow.
He yelled to the farmer in Spanish, "We've just landed on the moon!"

The farmer looked at him and replied, "Leave me alone you crazy gringo!"

Doppelganger

A double, an identical copy of themselves somewhere in the world.
If the person is good, then the Doppleganger will be evil and vice versa.
It is even said that if the two should meet, then they will both perish.

Have you met your doppelganger?

A lot of people have told me they saw someone who looked just like me; some even went up and started talking to the person as if it were me.

If I ever meet my doppelganger, I hope I'm the good one.

Mistaken

Lying in bed half awake this morning, I thought it was Monday.
While mentally going through my Monday checklist, it hit me.

It's only Sunday!!!

I love when that happens.

Shopping Centres

I drove to a big shopping centre in the next city today.

Not because I had anything to buy, but because I had nothing more exciting to do.
I did go with a couple of friends, who had nothing to do as well; not sure if that makes it any better.
I did find, and buy, a few wind-up toys that were mildly interesting. You know, those little toys that you wind-up and they march around on a table top.
Yes, I am sick; and yes I need psychiatric help.
While walking around and basically just looking at women between wind-up toy purchases, one of my friends asks,"Didn't we have anything better to do today?"

"Nope" I replied.

And then we went to Starbucks.

My Wallet

I get flack about my wallet.

It's a cheapy I bought in Malaysia in 1997 for about 50 cents.
It's canvas/velcro with Levis 501 written on it.
After 11 years it barely holds money.
It's in rough shape.
It's seen better days.
It's ratty, tattered, and dilapitated.
I should have thrown it out about 5 years ago, but I can't.

It's my wallet.
There are many wallets in the world, but this one is mine.

Dreams

I don't usually remember my dreams, but I do acknowledge that I have them.

Some people say they don't dream; I tell them that they just dream that they don't dream.
This usually confuses them and they change the subject.

Last night I dreamt I was entering a spelling bee and my chances were pretty good.
I'd sized up the competition, and found them lacking.
I was guaranteed to win.

and then I woke up!

Garbage Day

There are a lot of garbage days here!

Twice a week for regular garbage.
Once every 2 weeks for recyclables.
Once a month for non-burnable/non-recyclable.

My garbage station is at the end of my driveway.
Very convenient.

The truck stops at my place at 9 am like clockwork.

The only problem is, I don't get up until 9:30am!

Does This Really Work?

Do Baby On Board stickers/signs in the back window of a car really cut down on accidents?

I'm just wondering.

Does that sticker make the person behind you drive more carefully?

Does the person driving behind you think:"I was going to rear end this car, but now that I know there is a baby in the car I better not"?


I'm just wondering.

Bananas

I love bananas.

They are my favourite fruit.

Why?

You don't have to wash or cut them,

get sticky hands handling them, or

spit out seeds.

They don't roll off tables, chairs, or fridge tops.

You only need 3 letters to spell banana.

and

Monkeys like them, so they gotta be good.

The Alarm Clock

I am lucky.

I usually don't have to wake up to an alarm clock.
It's one of the perks of starting work in the afternoon.

My alarm clock is like the little bottle of cinnamon sitting on my kitchen shelf.

It's there if I need it, but gets neglected more often than not.

What Do They Call It?

Are they just:

Cows in Jersey?
Beans in Lima?
Bars in Nanaimo?
Nuts in Brazil?
Boots in Wellington?
Wings in Buffalo?
Hats in Panama?
Dragons on Komodo?
a Baked in Alaska?
Cigars to the Cubans?
Fries to the French?

Is it just:

Pepper in Cayenne?
Clamchowder in Boston?
Checkers in China?
Cake in the Black Forest?
Cheese in Edam?
a Mule in Moscow?
Goulash to the Hungarians?
Dressing to the Italians?
Duck in Peking?

or

Is it now called Bejing Duck?

Word Association

Everytime I see or hear the word sanskrit, I think of the Tuscan Raiders from the Star Wars movies!

A Lot of People Say

A lot of people say, "If I didn't laugh, I'd cry."

That's pretty extreme!

Haven't they tried giggling, guffawing, chortling, or snickering?

There's no need to go to extremes!

Mcdonald's Cheeseburgers

I like Mcdonald's cheeseburgers.

I can eat 4 or 5 without even thinking about it.

They are crap: I know.

It's the ketchup and pickles that I like.
If you put ketchup and pickles on a piece of cardboard, I'd probably eat it and ask for seconds. It's probably more nutritional too.

Egg Timers

Egg Timers are cool.

I like being mesmerized by that sand trickling from the top half to the bottom half, until it's all at the bottom.Then I turn it over and enjoy the whole drama unfold again.

Who times eggs anyway?

They don't move that fast!

Can you buy a digital egg timer?

I'd buy one!

Coffee of the Day

I was in Starbucks the other day.

There were about 20 people in line. All had ordered and all were waiting for their coffee.

I ordered the coffee of the day and the till person went and got it for me right away.

Doesn't anyone drink regular coffee when they go to Starbucks?


note: If I order yesterday's coffee, do I get a discount?

Computer Stuff

I'm the first to admit that computers baffle me.

I don't really know how they work, have a hard time navigating around programs, and feel really proud if I can overcome simple problems.
This morning when I pushed the on button a different screen came up.
The computer was asking for passwords, codes, and service provider information.
It even accused me of having a counterfeit copy of VISTA!!

No, no, no!! This can't be happening!
I haven't even had a whole cup of coffee yet!!
I told the computer, "Just give me my regular screen and I'll forget all about this happening, I promise".

That didn't work.
Never does.

So I pulled myself together, took a few deep breaths, and thought about what a rational person would do.
I found the info required: secret codes were located on the back of the computer, passwords were found scribbled on the bottom of cereal boxes, and special secret numbers were uncovered behind the fridge.
I punched them all in, and it works again!

I feel like Indiana Jones!

I think I could even tackle emptying the vacuum bag today.

Billboard Clothing

I've got nothing against people wearing name brand clothing.
It's their decision, and I'm sure the clothing is very comfortable.

Personally, walking around in a t-shirt with a big Nike, Adidas, or (insert designer name here) logo on it just disagrees with me.
I don't like being used as a marketing tool or human billboard.
I don't want to be a fashion statement.
I'm not that cool, trendy, or hip.

I'll buy your product if you promise to just stick a little tag or logo on it: preferably on the inside!

Calendars

There are a lot of crappy calendars

- no room to write memos
- no holidays signified
- doesn't show the phases of the moon
I like to know when the fullmoon is going to be, so I know when people
are going to go nuts!
- 2 months or more are on one sheet
I like flipping the pages every month and starting with a clean month.

Advent calendars are okay.
I'm not big on advent, but I like the chocolates

This year I have a city calendar showing all the elementary and jr. high schools in the area.
I think there are only 11 schools really!
No one seems to know the one for July.

Maybe it's summer school!

I guess I could make my own calendar.
It wouldn't be that difficult.
I could even put chocolates in it!

Vasectomies and Tattoos

It used to be that once you got a vasectomy or a tattoo, it was for life.

You made your decision and you had to live with it.

Now they can be reversed or removed!

If only science had a precedure for eliminating or taking back stupid comments