Suicide Coffee Please!

7 years ago I went into a Starbucks in Japan and ordered a coffee of the day.

I proudly said in Japanese, "jisatsu no kohi onegaishimasu".

Translated I said, suicide coffee please.

The correct words for today's coffee is honjitsu no kohi.

The woman who took my order gave me the coffee of the day with a straight face.

20 minutes later I ordered another suicide coffee; I got my coffee of the day with a straight face again.

I love Japan!

Wrong Answer

An ex-girlfriend once asked me, "Would you jump in front of a bullet for me?"

I replied,"I'd take a suction cup dart at close range; or maybe a pea from a peashooter blown by a small child with breathing problems."

She wasn't impressed.

but

those peas can really sting sometimes.

It's Universal

People will always laugh at 2 dogs having sex!

Shaking hands with a little kid is always hygenically risky!

No one will admit that their country has crap food!

People with glass eyes shouldn't go to marble competitions!

3 Cheers for the Uvula

The uvula plays an important role in the articulation of the sound of the human voice to form the sounds of speech. It functions in tandem with the back of the throat, the palate, and air coming up from the lungs to create a number of guttural and other sounds. Consonants pronounced with the uvula are not found in English; however, languages such as Arabic, French, German, Hebrew, Ubykh, and Hmong use uvular consonants to varying degrees. Certain African languages use the uvula to produce click consonants as well. In English (as well as many other languages), it closes to prevent air escaping through the nose when making some sounds.

And I just thought it was there so that drawings of the inside of your mouth looked cool!!

As an English speaker, I am way underusing my Uvula!