Mission Accomplished

Finally got out there and kicked some ass on my front yard!

I always knew it was going to be easy: strong (me) against the weak (them). Nothing is going to get in the way of me and my view. I had the force; those weeds are so easy to flush out, round up, and dump out back where I don’t have to see them. Out back withering and dying by the thousands.

BEFORE




AFTER




Mission Accomplished! Well done!

Now I can just sit inside for the rest of the year and enjoy the view.

What? It’s not over?

I have to keep going out there to battle weeds?

No one told me that!

Maybe my Mom did; but I wasn’t listening :(

Maybe I should have just left it alone.

The Final Cut

I started thinking about the ability to edit the comments other people have left on my site.

Yes, you can! (scary thought; deus ex machina stuff).

I haven’t done it, and wouldn’t; unless the person asked me to. ie. spelling, grammar mistakes, sounded funny/bad/mean/inappropriate………

This is a hypothetical negative comment I might have received:

Well aren’t you a wanker ! Shall I run over your kids for a laugh ? what part of this article should be considered comedy ?


I could change it to something positive!

Well aren’t you an amazing person! Shall I run over to your house for some laughs ? what part of this article should be considered not comedy ? You are incredibly talented! Keep up the good work!!

But I didn’t and wouldn’t.

But I could, if I wanted to!

The NERF Ball

When I was 11, my mother bought me a NERF ball: the old school type; orange and about the size of a grapefruit.

My 24 year old brother use to come for Sunday dinner every week. We’d play soccer with the NERF ball in the living room. I was the goalie and my net was the fireplace screen. My brother was the forward (don’t think they were called strikers yet). He’d do a running commentary on the shots, saves, and goals in a loud voice. We’d play for about an hour.

It drove my mother nuts.

After 6 months of this, she finally hid my NERF ball.

I pleaded and begged for its return. No Deal.

I searched for it. No Luck.

Eventually I forgot about the NERF ball; I moved on to Coleco Head to Head football or the Dune books.

but..

When I was 16, I found it!

I could never use it, or admit that I’d found it though.

My mother had hidden it in the liquor cabinet.


note: Yes. The advertisement does say, ” You can’t hurt babies or old people “.

A Big Disappointment

I’m a procrastinator. I’m a disappointment.

I haven’t done any of the things my Mother said I could do when I became an adult.

- I don’t eat marshmellow sandwiches everyday.

- I don’t stay up all night watching TV.

- I haven’t gotten that Batman tattoo on my face yet.

- I’ve yet to buy the 8 million marbles I said I would.

- I never bumper shine.

- I haven’t played Tetris for 48 hours straight.

- I don’t play with firecrackers.

- I haven’t ridden a roller coaster 100 times in a row.

- I don’t fry bread in the bacon grease, like they do in England.

- I don’t walk around barefoot everyday.

- I haven’t ordered 2 desserts at a restaurant.

- I’ve yet to get a Mr. T haircut.

- I don’t have chocolate sprinkle sandwiches like the Dutch kids use to have.

- I haven’t gone to every house in a 5 km radius to fill 2 pillow cases full of candy on Halloween.

- I haven’t collected all the matchbox cars.

- I never eat a whole bag of chocolate chips.

- I still haven’t bought that H.R. Puff n’ Stuff Jacket with Witchipoo on the sleeve.

I’m a big disappointment.

Tomorrow I’ll get busy.