The Mean Cactus

I like cacti, or cactuses as I like to say.

I have quite a few. Most are prickly, but still manageable.

Getting poked in the finger once in a while goes with the territory. If I wanted the easy life, I would have Chia Pets.

but

I have one cactus that is untouchable.
Its spines are painful, drawblood, and embed themselves in my flesh.
It’s nice to look at, but it’s dangerous.
It bullies me. It taunts me. I swear it has lunged at me a few times.
It’s just plain mean.

And it is getting bigger!

note: I would have put on a photo of it, but it won’t let me.

Sunsets

I’ve never really gotten too excited about the whole “watching the sunset” thing.

Sure, if I’ve got nothing else to do or nowhere else to be, I’ll watch it: usually on holidays.

But it happens everyday.

I’ve heard it rises everyday as well, but sleep interfers with any first hand knowledge on the subject.

I want to see the sun not rise.
I’ll pay big money for that. One of these days I’m going to fly to Tromso, Norway to watch that.
That would be something to see!

I guess if the sun never sets there, it doesn’t really rise either. They should advertise that too.

In Through The Out Door

Yesterday I was just going to enter a parkade circular, so as to exit the parkade, when a car came out of my entrance.

I’ve never seen that before! That’s not allowed.

Once you enter the spiral you have committed yourself to leaving the building. You can’t just pop out anywhere you like.

Someday I would like to drive up a parkade circular. Maybe I can bribe a parkade nightwatchman to live my dream.
It would be more fun if I could change my steering wheel to the right-side to do it though. Hugging the center I could really get up some speed like the drivers in The Fast and the Furious 2: Tokyo Drift. (crappiest movie ever)

In Japan the circulars are clockwise. I assume they are counter-clockwise in North America. I forget.

I forget which way water drains in the Northern and Southern hemispheres too.

I guess I could go look in my toilet, if I really cared.

Visiting the Equator 3 years ago, someone demonstrated the water spinning phenomenon.

It was just a trick, as we were only 2 meters on either side of the Equator.

I think you have to be farther away to see a difference: at least 4 meters maybe.

Supposedly at the Equator it’s easier to balance an egg on the head of a nail also. Now I know why I’ve never been able to do that very well before.

note: I bet there are no parking circulars on the Equator.

Magic Numbers

Standardization makes life easier, but why these numbers for these things?

88 keys on a piano: why not 90 or 100?

6 strings on a guitar: sure there are 12 string guitars too, but why not 7 or 8 string guitars?

9 players on a baseball team: what’s up with that short stop?

11 players on a soccer team: why not 10, 12, or 15?

4/5 forward gears in a regular car: I’d like 6, and maybe 2 reverse gears too.

2 plug-ins on electrical wall outlets: I always wish there were more. 4 would be nice.

28 days in February: can’t the other months share a few days to even things out?

and

Scoring in tennis: love, 15, 30, 40, deuce, ad in, ad out.

There are some traditions worth keeping, and then there is confusion and insanity.

note: my other blog: http://planetross.wordpress.com/

same crap, different pile.

more comment friendly.

Driving Tan

When I drive on a sunny day, I roll down my window and suck in that fresh air.

Actually, my air-conditioner is pretty crappy, so I can either sweat it out or have that nice fresh air I was talking about in the first sentence.

I get a pretty good driving tan most years.

People drive on the left side of the road here in Japan, so it’s my right arm that gets really brown.
I think of my driving tan as a cheap status symbol.

“Yes, I’ve been driving a lot recently; thank you for noticing. Why yes, the sun was out while I was driving.”

Most Japanese people drive with their windows rolled up tight and the air-con blasting.

If they do have a window rolled down, it’s usually because they are at a drive-thru window picking up burgers.

A lot of women wear long gloves to protect themselves from driving tan, or any other type of tanning. At least I think that is why they wear those long gloves; I could be wrong.

Maybe they are all going to fancy garden parties where they eat cucumber sandwiches with no crusts and drink barely alcoholic drinks from long glasses.

Some people have a farmer’s tan; a lot of farmers have it for some reason.

It looks ok, until the shirt comes off and then it just looks sad.

Unless it is on a shirtless woman, then it looks pretty good.

I like the driving tan look better than the farmer tan look.
But that’s just me.

I’m a driver, not a farmer. And I have the tan to prove it!

note: I guess a lot of farmers have driving tans, but you just can’t see them. Poor farmers.

Backpackers

How people act while backpacking always amazes me.

Many backpackers can be fit into one of the following categories.

The Homer: Never changes their thinking on anything: home rules apply. They flush toilet paper in 3rd world countries, think siestas are stupid, and eat dinner at 6 pm sharp.

The Hippy: 24 hours after getting off the plane they are clothed in tie-dye, henna tattooed, pierced, and beaded up. Usually there is a mystical journey of discovery in progress.

The Mover: Go, go, go! Around the world in 6 weeks. Saw everything and have photos and t-shirts to prove it. They have visited a museum, bought stuff at a market, and taken a tango lesson before most people have gotten out of bed.

The Un-Jaded: Amazed at everything and never lose their sense of wonder. They could see 100 temples, shrines, cathedrals, or craft markets and still be incredibly fascinated by them.

The Secretive: Nocturnal; non-communicative; and vanish mysteriously with their stuff, without their stuff, with your stuff, or with the police.

The Tightwad: Will bargain with starving children to knock a penny off the price of a postcard. They visit every cheap place to stay, restaurant, shop, and tourist agency before making any kind of decision. Usually seen pocketing food during breakfast, so they don’t have to spend money on lunch later.

The Betters: Whatever you’ve done, seen, or bought; they’ve done better, seen more, or bought cheaper than anyone else. They not only visited Machu Picchu, but hang glided above it while Sting performed a free concert.

I guess I’m in The Labeler category: The person who pidgeon holes everyone else.

They can usually be seen drinking and playing card games with all the other perfect people.

Smorgasbords

Aren’t smorgasbords the best thing ever?

All you can eat buffets: big stacks of clean plates at one end, and a guy with a big white hat carving beef at the other.
In Japan they call them “Viking” style; but it always sounds like “Biking” when they say it.

Argentina has got to have the best ones. Full on Chinese food, not too many salads to pass by, 2 or 3 guys working the meat grill, desserts to die for, and ice cream too! I don’t think they can be beat when you factor in the cheap peso.

My friend got banned from a smorgasbord for peeling the batter off the battered shrimp. That’s a no-no.

Smorgasbord translates into English as “sandwich table“.
It sounds better in Swedish though.
I don’t think I’d get too excited about an “all you can eat sandwich table“.

But…

I think I’m going to start calling sandwiches “smorgs”.

“I’m having a peanut butter and jam smorg for lunch today. Yum!”