Empty Nest

A woman I know told me she found herself home alone at night for the first time in 25 years.
She turned the TV up loud and switched on all the lights in the house.
She was seriously nervous just talking about it.

She asked me how I cope with being alone.

Living alone is my natural state.
I don't know any different.

It's like asking me how it is to live with a big nose, sweaty feet, or extreme moviestar good looks.

It's my natural state.
I don't know any different.

I did mention the TV thing though, and that I'd seen strange people outside her house recently.

Solitary Confinement

Solitary Confinement would kill me!
I'd go crazy after a week by myself: crazy like a shithouse rat!

My friend tried the solitary test on a beach in Australia.
He just wanted to see how long he could stand being alone.
A little radio was his only companion.

The radio batteries lasted 8 days.
He lasted 9 days.

A hiker I met said he had gone hiking for 6-8 weeks several times without seeing another person. He confessed his favourite pastime was setting up a Bruce Lee style training area in the forest. Blindfolded and naked he tried to knock pinecones off of sticks he had placed within this area.
He never did quite explain why he had to be naked to do this.

If I ever have to go in to solitary confinement, I'll be sure to take a solar powered radio and some pinecones with me.

Living to 100

My great aunt lived to 101.
Her body slowly failed her, but her mind was pretty sharp up until the end.
She told me once that, she had lived too long.

Like the long living Scruldbruggs born with a 3rd eye in Gulliver's Travels: longevity is more of a curse than a blessing.

I'd like to live to 100 anyway!

I want that birthday card from the Queen or King, if there still is one in 2065.
Getting that birthday card would be like the theatre lights being turned up after a great movie.
Time to go home.
Please dispose of your garbage on the way out.


note: I also want to be the interviewed old fart that says:

"I smoked, drank, and didn't do a bit of healthy living.
So put that in your pipe and smoke it!"