Buckets

In Japan people usually sit on little plastic stools when they shower: they look like buckets with a hole in the seat.
During my first 2 years in Japan, I refused to sit down to shower: it felt unnatural.
Since then I have slowly adapted to the bucket and have assumed the position.
Actually,it's quite nice sitting down to shower.

I still don't know what the hole in the seat is for though.

Butt Fuck Nowhere

I have been in the middle of Butt Fuck Nowhere.

It's not on any map or in travel guides, but I have definately visited the place on several occasions.
It's like having an epiphany: it surprises you when you find yourself in it. "Oh! I'm in the middle of Butt Fuck Nowhere again".

You didn't see it coming.
There were no signs.
You didn't notice that you were on the outskirts or near the edge of it.
You are always in the middle of Butt Fuck Nowhere before you realize it!

It's a transient place.
It seems to move around a lot.
It's a shy place: you never find it in a big city.
It stays away from the crowds.
No one lives there; but there is usually a dog wandering around looking bewildered.

The last time I was there was in the Mato Grosso in Brazil.
Before that it was in Patagonia.
The first time I found myself in it was in Western Australia.
I've heard people claim to have stumbled on it in Northern Saskatchewan in Canada, Siberia, and Western China.

My friend said he had been there, but on cross examination I realized he had only visited Sparsely Populated Mildly Rural.
The electricity poles in his story were a give a way.

It's a good place to take a break, make a sandwich, have a cup of tea.
For some reason I'm usually with English tea fiends when I visit.
I always take a few deep breaths, gaze at the scenery or lack there of, and declare in a loud voice, "I'm in the middle of Butt Fuck Nowhere".

One Ply

I finally finished the 12 pack of one ply toilet paper I bought by mistake.

As a single guy, it lasted far too long.
Just when I thought I could open the two ply pack, there were always a few more rolls of the dreaded one ply to get through.
What was I thinking when I bought it?
It looked so nice on the shelf: fluffy, strong, bouncy, and attractive.
How was I to know it was all a lie?

Who buys one ply anyway?

Truck stops, Service areas, cheap restaurants, department stores. The list goes on and on....

Now I am back on easy streets, living in the lap of luxury.

No more dreaded shuffling off to the toilet for me!

Nursing Home Music

I'm of the opinion that every person has a "musical window": a time period where they absorbed and solidified their musical preferences.
I was hyper-sensitive and a musical sponge between 1977 and 1985. There are not too many main stream songs that I don't know from that time period: Punk, Rock, Heavy Metal, Pop, and Indie (if there was such a thing back then).

I like the older stuff, but it wasn't my time: The Beatles, The Doors, The Beach Boys, most of Led Zeppelin's discography, 50's and 60's pop music.

Post 85 music is great, but it just doesn't stir the emotions like the '77-'85 period. A few bands have come close: Weezer, Everclear, Crowded House, Nada Surf, newer Tom Waits.....

I have visited a few nursing homes on occasion and they usually have easy listen from the 40's and 50's.

I'm sure in a few years they will be playing The Beatles, The Hollies, Neil Diamond, and Barbara Streisand.

What will I be listening too?

Will I be listening to The Police, The Cars, ZZ Top, AC DC, Billy Idol, and The Stray Cats?

I hope so.

My Friends

I live in a small city in the countryside of Japan.

I have some Japanese friends, but my 2 close friends are both from Canada.

I have known both for about 10 years now.

If we lived in Canada, we would never have become friends.

We have been thrown together and have bonded because of a similar upbring, cultural roots, language, and pop culture references.

We originally tried to keep our distances; but regularly we would cross paths, need assistance in some matter, require information, or desire to be among a few fellow Canadians while watching ice hockey.

I am the odd man out: I have a standard teaching job and am quite happy to work for someone, collect my paycheck, and live stress free.

My friends are both artists: performance and musical.

Both are great at what they do.

Both are entrepreneurs: looking for ways to make more money, become famous or well known, and searching for more, better, bigger.

They wake up at night trying to find new ways to improve, advance, or do better in some area.

As for me, I love them both, enjoy being with them, listen and offer suggestions and feedback, and applaud their creativeness.

But, I sleep through the night peacefully, enjoy my work, and am quite happy plugging along savouring nameless mediocrity.

i-pod wars

Two friends came to my place on Saturday.

All of us have i-pods.

By the end of the night we were fighting over who was going to be the next to plug their i-pod into my stereo.

Everybody wants to be the DJ!

My Wheel Chair

About 5 months ago I bought a wheelchair at a recycle shop.

I didn't need it, but for 1000 yen (about $10) it was a bargain.

I pretended not to notice the look on the clerk's face, forked over the money, and took it home.

Ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted one.

And now I am the proud owner of one!

I think most people, who don't need them, have a fascination with wheelchairs.

There is something about sitting in that seat and wheeling yourself around.

I had a BBQ party and 90% of those who came either sat in the wheelchair or took it for a spin.

I could see on a few friends' faces that they were debating whether they should get one too.

We could have races on weekends!

Belly Buttons

I always try to learn the word for belly button in different languages.

Why?

I am terrible at learning languages, but one word isn't so bad to remember.

and

It appeals to my sense of the trivial.

I'm not going to list all the different words because I would embarrass myself trying to spell them.

You will have to take my word for it.

Mongolian Blue Spots

Mongolian Blue Spots are flat birthmarks with wavy borders and irregular shapes, common among people of Asian, East Indian, African, and Latino heritage. They may be seen in about 10% of Caucasians to over 90% of African Americans. Bluish gray to deep brown to black skin markings, they often appear on the base of the spine, on the buttocks and back and even sometimes on the ankles or wrists. The pigmented area has large concentrations of skin cells called melanocytes, with normal skin texture. They commonly appear at birth or shortly after birth and may look like bruises. They usually fade after a few years and disappear by puberty.However some persist into adulthood.

Being caucasian, single, and not having much to do with babies; I didn't know about this until I came to Japan.

A friend of mine worked in a Daycare/English playtime centre for a year, and as part of his job he accompanied/assisted children using the bathroom.

He casually mentioned this phenomenon to me one day, to which I told him he was pulling my leg and I wasn't that gullible.

He insisted it was true, and I kept a doubtful expression on my face until I could check the internet.

Now you know.

And I know.